muses

week 3-4 warsaw

2009-10-07T04:06:00.002+08:00

life has been getting on pretty fine here. moving about with ease, buying wrong things still at times but it will get better as the days go by.
orientation, parties, knowing more people from germany and poland; it seems like half of sabinki is filled with these 2 nationalities.
grilling indoors was a stupid but funny idea but i didnt expect that strongly worded reaction. well no point threatening with a sabinki boot cuz .... nwsh was a damn good place to be in too. wondering about the sgh scholarship and how it will be given, but anything is a bonus.
schools fine, sometimes heavily accented but yeah i can understand mostly whats going on. cant wait for the lang course and more cooking. i hope its a suwalki trip this weekend so i can think of more places as time goes by.

week 1

2009-09-16T00:24:00.002+08:00

wasnt the best of flights, kept battling a mild fever, stuffed nose and diaorrhoea on the way to poland. but it didnt take anything from the sights i was about to experience. rested at the hostel for an hour or two and i was off to the old town just around 3 hours after touchdown. remembered telling myself somehow i could finally see the sky blue without any cloud cover or by any tall buildings - something so simple but awe striking tt i would take little heed back here.
so spent the following few days exploring warsaw on foot, then on metro, buses and trams. language's still a barrier of sorts but guess a smile always helps to break the ice, even if it meant a disguntled cashier handing back 40 zlotys in coins.
been to church even, found out about tt place myself online and i kinda enjoy it, not too traditional, not too contemporary, and even went for some coffee after tt, aka waterloo. and some things just dun change - in a restaurant and ppl still lining up tables so we could share the same table. its just amazing. was telling this guy just one week ago i was worshipping in sg and now it seems so different, but still so much the same as well? and i hope he understood it heh.
must say tt warsaw central is kinda easy to navigate and i can get myself pretty much anywhere alr. so guess krakows next.
psps for the awful structure but just speakin my thought out.
miss ppl back home and i must say i miss rice too.

interning at mot week 1/8

2009-05-19T20:56:00.002+08:00

Today marks the end of my first week in MOT. It wasn't to long ago when lily took me around the office on my first day of work, introducing me to colleagues from different departments who probably identify me as yet another intern and me wondering if i am ever going to bother remembering all their names, to the wondrous view on the 33rd floor of psa building, and to the really low foosball table which has been my only source of entertainment in the office and a dull backache as well.

Over time i have gotten used to the unfamiliarity of the surroundings. Its sad being the only intern and hearing stories of others in mha or mom having bunches of interns together, but in a way i m forced to learn and be resourceful on the job myself; my jobscope is not a multi-player project based kinda thing but i work fairly independently. drafting some internal comms strategy and tasked to see it through the weeks in mot might be a small task compared to the macro-ness of what most others are doing, but i am secretly glad i am not making coffee or shredding paper (lol)

Its one week on and I havent started fb-ing or done casual surfing at work. i am desks and desks away from anyone who seems like a fb user and its not the type of question you would ask anyway, you watch and learn. And i am kinda sitting beside a T junction where people just mill or walk past every other minute, so might as well get that thought off my mind, not that i am getting withdrawl symptoms anyway.

fyi, I wouldnt consider asiaone as casual surfing.

moe suspends AWARE sex education programme

2009-05-07T21:32:00.001+08:00

Whose phyrric victory is it now?
The new guard? Or the 'Old' new guard?
Or both?

2009-02-05T21:13:00.003+08:00

utu lecture. yeah nasa spent millions, billions, but i would rather have them spend on it than financing wars. resolves the cynical side in me. =3
an afternoon chat resolves a fair bit in expectations and all.
never had a meal in anothers' house that tastes so much like home cooked food. has one of it yesterday. just a small gathering among friends, mutual friends and yeah thanks for the invite zhengchuan; still have the greatest respect for you since arts camp last year.
felt a little ackward making that choice not to play mj (simple) or ban lat (a little harder). may and wb were like asking why not play. its quite hard to differentiate principle and faith after a while, and its not that faith makes it impermissible to play. so i just said i didnt feel like. not the best answer or the most politically correct one but i just didnt bother to explain too muxh esp when everyone seems so engrossed.

is it you, god?

2009-01-11T22:44:00.004+08:00

busy busy saturday, during the weekend before school officially opens on monday.
went to gy's place for his birthday lunch, then for a moe networking session,
then to geylang to meet timo and ting ting and a few other army peeps before heading off to changi for aloy's farewell.
seems like i m pr-empting a busy semester ahead so i m doing all these things now.

but above all, god's laying out a platter for me it seems.
was in a cab as i went from yck to serangoon that afternoon.
the usual chats about school, wah u serve ns liao ah...
and then he asked me out of the blue, in all earnestness:
ah boy ah, you mei you xiang guo dang lao shi ah?
(ah boy, you thought of becoming a teacher?)
.....

i was shocked
speechless for a couple of seconds.
i must say i was a little freaked out.
those who know me well enough know that i have been tethering around,
to apply or not? since time eternal
a bit too timely isn't it?

i was thinking
seriously,
where did this guy come from?
in any case, its something i wont forget so easily.

reunions and gatherings

2008-12-31T12:12:00.000+08:00

decembers are often the time for catch-ups and gatherings
not that everyone is really so busy to do so during term time
but its the the year where nobody has an excuse not to meet up actually
so it was actually a surprise b'day celebration coupled with an reunion of sorts.

we chatted
gossiped like there was no tomorrow.
about current times
about old times
the stupid events
the scandals

it must have been the umphteenth time we have heard of one another talking about it
but we never get tired of it
every time round, we catch one or two new stories
'collective memories and imagined communities'
how true.

was it a birthday celebration under the pretext of a reunion?
or the other way round?
maybe at the end of the day,
it doesn't matter.
in the most secular sense,
you give a good account of yourself,
then eat, drink and be merry.
and hope that satisfies.
i think it did for that night.

a restful december finally.

2008-12-25T22:53:00.003+08:00

have not been blogging at all since early this month when my exams ended on the 5th. but life has been so so busy since then.

i was tasked to assist in the old queens street team in a way i would never imagined myself to be: a but part in the musical. say a few lines and dance? oh dear, when in school i am already so against myself taking anything ts (theatre studies), that is the last thing i would expect myself to be doing. i didnt exactly know what was on my mind when i agreed as anais called, maybe i was too stressed out with my labour econs paper. first practice was on the 5th, and for once after an examination, i didnt splurge or 'enjoy' myself like the way i did before.

more practices and domestic(dog) chores took its toll as my parents went back to hk for their regular dose of erm, whatever you call it.. and so bangkok was kinda a relief. holidaying without having to worry about transport woes i must say is a real blessing. chanun's family was great and the company too. at least i knew i was in safe hands if i landed up drunk. (which i didnt, obviously)

back in sg on the 15th wee morning, and that night i had my first serious rehearsal. there would usually be 2 runs per night so we could get in character quickly. kudos to those who came in after work, cus even for me, it was kinda tiring. reaching home at 12 and having to work the next day is no joke.

ccis -
i believe it epitomized the yc call to be called to transformed to transform.
not gonna put anymore details into it.
thanks to those who came down to watch and i hope you were blessed by the message.

life is back to the after exams feeling. friends leaving for sep in the next few days, together with some church members flyingoff/coming back so i foresee some trips to changi. but then sometime this week, i believe i can finally afford to chill by a joint in a lazy afternoon, book in hand, and while the time away.

2008-12-07T00:17:00.002+08:00

my god... when am i gonna really really wind down and chill?

yr 2 sem 1 ended yesterday at 4:30.
i could have made it end earlier
if not of my neurotic fears of
the examiner forgetting to collect my script.

looking back, it has gonna be one of the hardest semesters i have ever been through. once again i must reiterate, doing 4 mods without one of your closest modular buddies to listen in with, copying notes with. yeah there are always other buddies, but then, it just feels different. =3

seems like the hectic schedule of work has not ended for me yet. went airport to see my parents off, then to expo to grab some books from the borders sale, then to yia's place for the regular lan session, then to church for the pract.

hope that thurs works out fine.
then i can get a time to chill
get drunk in a safe environment
and just basically veg til sunday

if i can make it back in the first place/

and then the grind continues til christmas...

i just need some time off
with an engaging read
at a secluded coffee joint
alone
perhaps for one afternoon

perspectives

2008-11-17T22:52:00.003+08:00

was watching this channel 8 program just now.
it was so gut wrenching that i have no idea how to describe it best.
this 9 year old schoolgirl
taking care of her ill mother
doing all the chores at home
not excluding her school commitments
burdens that children her age, or even mine would have
difficulty undertaking, or even comprehending.
dad's taking on menial jobs
bringing home little as depicted in the show.
the host and some volunteers came in to do up her home,
in attempt probably to make her life a little better
and to bring in some festive cheer.
if there was someone who needed this fleeting moment of happiness
it would be her.
her grind seems to have no end
as the filming halts and the crew leaves
her life will be the same as before
toiling, working ....

i think about myself
i dont whine about exams much,
but i still do
i rationalize for a need of an oversea breather
coming an average of once per semester
an account that i deserve a break after
all that hard work
i muse about getting disillusioned about
schoollife, career choices, satisfaction
when there are others
who essentially have no choice but
to take on roles so taxing for them.
just to survive
and have to time to even muse about it.

hard work?
deserve?
exams?

sometimes i always get jolted to see things in perspective
being the dreamy person i m
who allows words and thoughts to get into my way
and decides for myself how i want to lead the day.

i will for that girl to make it
i suppose all those who watched the show do.

2008-11-15T11:08:00.004+08:00

its hard to read ecclesiastes without feeling the slightest hint of a suicidal tendency in solomon's mind.

ez woes

2008-11-04T21:53:00.002+08:00

lost my ez link card today.
think its the 3rd time while studying in nus.
seems that i tend to lose such stuff more easily nowadays
year 1 sem 1, lost it in a cab
year 1 sem 2, cant remember how i lost it
year 2 sem 1, lost it either in the lib, deck or in between
sad thing is, i just topped it up and paid for concessions this morning.
oh well. stuff does happen.

dreamland.

2008-11-03T20:50:00.003+08:00

it seems that most times, i never can get 100% sleep/rest.
especially these few days when the gravity of the finals start kicking in
take money and banking for example.
one full day of comprehension
2 chapters done
out of 25.
its crazy, i know it. but by hook or by crook it has to be done
and when i proudly profess 7hrs sleep (after some last minute fb and soccernet on my phone - 6hrs 45 mins)
there comes to a point when probably it cant work out anymore.

i m a dreamer, literally.
and in those dreams, it seems to me that i am coping so well
i seem to reason my sc proj pretty well in my dreams.
ditto for money and banking.
i even dreamt on sat night that i found my watch i misplaced in church last thurs.
yeah it was still there on sun morn.
real good dreams

school seems so much tougher when i am awake tho.
kena stressed out this afternoon over some tabulations.
and jw commented that it was the first time i complained that i was stressed
well, i keep my emotions in check very well.
walking along that corridor towards the bunch of ppl checking their ec3102 grades
my heart beat a lot quicker.
i did fine. good by most standards.

sometimes you know that what you get is not deserved.
and its only through grace that you receive it.
would you continue living in that grace?
or would you work your ass off instead?

anyways.
i need 2 major decisions made by the end of this year.
positive or negative.
it doesnt matter.
i just gotta do something.
to tell myself thats what i am working for now
makes it all worthwhile.
i realise thats why i have been feeling so jaded this sem

sometimes i wonder if i could live in my dreams.
pardon my randomness for tonight

random thoughts

2008-11-02T21:47:00.002+08:00

yeah i was disillusioned for a while.
then it hit.
why are you so affected by the decisions of others.
til it affects your personal life philosophy?

watched a movie recently.
here's part of the dialogue.

a: rome is burning son! the problem is not with the people who started it (already long dead), but its with us. who do nothing, and try to manouvere around the edge of the flame. and i tell you something, there are millions of people around the world today who try and make things better.
b: so you think its better to try and fail than failing to try right?
a: yeah
b: but whats the difference if you end up in the same place?
a: at least you did something.

some parts during the movie just got me wondering. how important must a cause be before you will yourself to take action?

sermon sounded more like an inspirational speech today, maybe because it kinda replayed those sentiments in my head. it ended by this quote, which i feel terribly incisive.

Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorius triumphs, even though checkered by failure... than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat.
Theodore Roosevelt

what causes are important? perhaps in god's eyes, everything is.
what happens if i try and fail?
or tried and have no idea on what the outcome will be?

random stuff

2008-11-01T22:41:00.004+08:00

been dreaming for the past few nights.
but almost all of it have gotta do with work.
not nightmares though,
but seems its quite hard for me to escape from
all the work at the moment.
sc term paper, and i really wanna do well for m&b
even tho the lecturer sucks real time.

oh ya, btw
yeah i turn red really easily.
but i also recover fast.

lol sat night
feeling really bored at home
my bro is checking his office mail
every 15 mins
here i am checking facebook
every 10

.

2008-10-28T19:53:00.001+08:00

blogging while seated on the throne, stifling a fart along the way. Right knee is aching real bad, must be all the stretching and overexertions of yesterday. Had kopi break with the sjab
kakis and when that happens, we tend to mire ourselves in the past. Think past few days have all been about recapturing memories, not that i have lost them in the first place, just that theres nothing much memorable now . Heh

exercise!

2008-10-27T20:00:00.002+08:00

went to pub recre club for sports with the church peeps today. kinda realised i havn done much exercise in a while. badminton was pretty nice, played like around 3 games in all. seems like all of us are feeling our age, when a game is tied at 1 set apiece, its like an unspoken rule to declare it a draw since we were already so ...
tired.
did some lazy sparring with dan and he kept hitting it to the backhand far corner which i loathe. then i decided to switch it to my left hand and make it a forehand. surprisingly it worked (tyco). but then pui was right behind and made a big hoo ha abt it. lol.
wondering if i should be in bkk with the sji peeps this year end. wanna go somewhere but at first i was thinking of going alone. guess how everything transpires this week i guess.
its weird when people regard me a a soci reference guide when i m not even a soci major. heh, i just happened to do pretty fine in it. if i could be accorded that same level of esteem in econs, i would be happier.

grr

2008-10-26T23:55:00.003+08:00

chatted with a friend in church today
was asked,
'is your brother younger than you?'
taffy wept.

lol.
kinda exaggerated
but then.
my bro is 27!!!!!
and i m only 22!!!!

yeah maybe he looks 22,
but if he looks 22
i gotta look 18 lor!!!!

little pissed

2008-10-26T20:39:00.005+08:00

met up with zonglun for dinner on sat. ended up watching max payne first. couple sitting beside me with 3 kids on tow. youngest one of walking age but still biting a pacifier. the kids seemed to enjoy popcorn, nachos w/ cheese as they waited for the movie to start. but as it progressed, it was clear that they were becoming restless.
"why are there so many shadows of monsters" one of the kids was asking his mum in chinese
"oh, it just a hallucination"
after a while, the mum gave up explaining and asked the kid to keep quiet.
if kids could stay quiet for that long. i would get a cap 5.
then the unthinkable happened.
the dad's (sitting beside me) phone rang.
sheepish reaction from him, spoke for a few seconds then hung up.
and it happened the second time.
i glared at him
he shuffled out to the aisle, and never came back.
since the cinema was only like 30 people packed.
suppose he found another place to sit.

2 main things
why take kids to watch max payne? and
why cant one have the basic decency to switch his phone to silent mode?

go watch high school musical instead.

anyways
when mark wahlberg drank the thing,
and the scenes after that.
i thought of 2 things
gatorade and tongkat ali ads.

born into brothels

2008-10-25T17:32:00.003+08:00

the issue with moral ethics and consequentialism
how bad must a something get before it sparks you into action?
or would you stay put no matter how rotten it is?
our view of something rotten
is it congruent with those who are already mired in filth?
helping one is good
helping one but not helping the others
creates real imbalance

watched the born into brothels documentary.
showing one womans attempt to 'right' her version of wrong
but there is no black/white answer on whats right
in the first place
would i do the same?
working on simple straightforward faith.
or would i stand on the side
haunted by what i see?

out of it.

2008-10-23T21:38:00.003+08:00

handed in my script after 50 mins in a 1hr 30min labour ec mtt paper.
rationale was simple, conceptual paper, no point hanging on too much.
overconfidence or foolhardiness? time will tell.
theres such a fine line seperating the two.
decided just by the points one gets.
not a very fair way of determining it.

random thoughts

2008-10-21T23:54:00.003+08:00

felt good admitting that one isn't the same without having the same ol' company. makes a huge lot of a difference, but then in life where change is the only constant; at the end of the day, we just move on and remember those times. =p

people always seem so busy once they are attached. 2nd week in a row trying to get my budd out for dinner over the weekend but i guess thats understandable. zl is free thou' wondering if i should bother asking more out. with tc boy reminding me that i can get high stirring lech, those 39 days comes back again. crazy, rag tag, u name it. seems that its high time we meet up once again, starting with zl.

theres always a flurry of activity in church, chillout on fri, sentosa on sat, service on sun, badminton and tennis on monday. soci term assignments and interviews to settle. taff, u gotta compromise. guess i m gonna take sat a pass; and most importantly feel good about it.

singapore seen

2008-10-17T11:38:00.002+08:00

seen at a supermarket in dempsey.

random thoughts 2

2008-10-15T15:47:00.003+08:00

something which happened more than 15 years ago was suddenly jolted into memory.
those were the times when a school bus seats 3 to a column, so it was a tight squeeze. i was only primary 1 or 2 then, and sometimes i sit next to this older guy called patrick. could still remember that he used to have the big brother mentality, and was terribly nice to me.
there was once when one of us carried a bit more stuff to school, so it was gonna be a real real real tight squeeze if a third person came along. he asked me to sit closer, then poured water at the edge of the seat, forcing any other kid who came along to avoid it and choose somewhere else. so in the end, we had a wee bit more room to spare. weird logic then, but maybe it worked.
nice (to me) guy or a terrible bas***d? i have no idea, til today.

2008-10-14T15:24:00.002+08:00

the constant sweeping endorsement of obama for president spooks me a little.
as much as i am agreeable to him winning,
it could just set the tone for a greater upset on the cards.
remember how hady mirza won asian idol?
bad comparison but still, you get the idea.

random rants

2008-10-13T22:20:00.005+08:00

been realising (not that i didnt know earlier) that whining about school and its numerous deadlines do not get one much headway. seldom do i leave things, especially term assignments til the second last day to finish the bulk of it cuz i usually allow my thoughts to fester for a couple days while writing. but this time really no choice. surprised myself with 1 page done on sunday, 1 page done in 45 mins before my 10am lecture for the day and 1.5 pages in a starbucks joint alone at vivo in the afternoon.
really glad with myself for not joining some school friends to town, prolly i would not have done any work and in feeling sorry/angry for myself, much less work would be done at night.
i thrive on creating the perfect setting for work done. a little neurotic and oc, but thats just the way i m. using specific pens and papers, getting the right flavor off my lemon infusions, the list goes on.
let tues pass, get my spss done and maybe things will look up for the rest of the week. til then, lets be happy that i m kept busy still. been reminded that i am not alone and yeah, think it matters too.
pardon my random and directionless entry for today.
and yeah thanks bro btw for the watch.

mugging days

2008-10-08T23:45:00.002+08:00

been religiously going to the cl almost every other day clocking like 3hrs of slow burning note taking before i run out of steam in the afternoon. this semester seems so much more difficult than the rest. maybe because wb is gone and i only have myself to rely on? its true that sometimes i feel more lost during lectures (jc days) but guess i gotta learn to adapt. learning the importance of having good lecture buddies and more importantly, the importance of coping well even without them.
finally got my supp card, courtesy of my bro. which means i can get myself a real belated pressie to perk up my week once again.

singapore - from place to nation

2008-10-04T14:45:00.004+08:00

been taking new appreciation to my dear ol' ec2373 module and linking it to how i see my status as a hk born - sg bred singaporean who yearns to take root somewhere, somehow.
the title of his book says it all. Singapore - from place to nation.
hk in that respect was never a nation, just a place -
for transit, for a better life, to escape wars, to flee from, to protest, everything you can think about other than a nation.
perhaps thats the reason why so many people leave.
cuz it existed as just a place to make someones life better, and if there was any outlet for something even more, there was an onus to leave.
but behind this mini diaspora,
it reflected the innate belief that a person can make it anywhere, adapt anywhere- i applaud that nature of resilience and gunghoness that i don't think i would ever emulate (as of now).
and even if it doesnt work out,
as they always say

"when are you going back to hk?"

to my dear uncle who is in ny now,
good luck and god bless.
2k in my acc and i would fly over to pay you a visit =3

=1

2008-10-04T14:36:00.003+08:00

should i wait for something to happen?
or should i make something happen?

i m for the latter
i just need some time
so much happening in the past 2 months
just need to sort things myself out first.
dealing with insecurities.
lots of it.

yeah i look 22 (seriously)
but maybe,
the way i think.
i seem much older.
boon or bane?
i have no idea.

hmm

2008-10-01T21:55:00.001+08:00

got myself a pair of specs.
hope its not too nerdy.
but in any case, i m feeling
like one now haha.
cant wait for the supp card.
damn.

dynasticism

2008-09-25T19:47:00.001+08:00

been seeing loads of it recently. not really sure what to make of it. people whose time is up and yet trying so hard to reverse this process to stay relevant and all. is it a singaporean thing? or is it just a pure unadulterated effort to see things run smoothly beyond their dynasty?
I don;t know, and i would not want to find out. Would i do something so well that i would make others miss me when i am gone? or would i leave behind enough for others to fall back on? or maybe i m the type who will not do anything at all, so i won;t be missed in the first place.

bank runs

2008-09-24T21:08:00.001+08:00

speculation hurts.

cost-benefit analysis. my way

2008-09-17T19:40:00.003+08:00

do i just work hard when it really matters?
one question that i have been asking myself today.
does having good work ethics mean striving for the best
even if there are not much/no benefits gained from it?
so much for cost-benefit analysis.

felt that i had written the worst term paper in the 3 semesters i have been in nus
by equating the effort spent in brainstorming, looking for sources etc.
but somehow its the best result i have ever gotten.
tutor's leinient, but lets push that aside.

still remember this time last year when i took a 1.5hr bus ride from school to tampines
just so to find a book to photocopy
for a hy1101e essay
and then off to changi v to look at trannies plying their trade
for a se1101e project
at 12mn
not that i am damn proud of how hard i worked
but glad that i valued my first nus essay/assignment high enough to do such things
that i would deem excessive today.
have i lost some of that freshie fire?
i suppose i have.
growing to be a little more cynical and devious in the way i do things.
taking the easy way out here and there.
but gaining less satisfaction everytime i do so.

i would toss my hy1101e essay around even tho it was just an ok/decent grade.
knowing that it was 1 whole weekend + 2-3 weekdays worth of PURE effort.
i was so glad when my hy tutor commented that my links were really good
even if it was a b+
it didnt matter
kinda feel my current work seems just so bland and sterile.
not much effort put into it
didnt feel much when i saw that a

once again, so much for cost-benefit analysis.
interesting paradox, really

guess at the end of the day
we realise that
highest satisfaction
does not come from minimum cost, maximum benefit.
or rather

maximum cost, maximum benefit.
when you feel you thoroughly deserve what you are getting.
sadly, in this time and age, no one bothers about the toil beneath
the finished article.

could i live on this maxim, at least for this semester?
time will tell
i guess not
but i could try.
starting from my macroecons tutorial
bothering to do it even tho it does not matter.

its never such simple isn't it?

2008-09-14T23:13:00.003+08:00

now,
i cant believe that my soci lecturer is a pastor too.
interesting research he is doing
christian perspective on inter faith dialogues
pricky subject yes.
but yeah, its hard for the exclusivitist mentality of the christian faith
to be masked
and not to antagonize religious sensitivities during such sessions.
aversions to such events are rife, as stats show.
respect, tolerance,
does acceptance fit in?

random postings

2008-09-09T20:58:00.004+08:00

just got reminded i m turning older
havent got time to think about it
but i guess past few ones havent been too nice to remember
i woke up at 330 am 3 years ago to run an ahm
blew 200+ on a suit
and woke up 330 am 2 years ago to lug a suitcase in imf-suntec
imagine being in formal attire in a tonner
the weird things saf can do to you.
but then you know, things cant get any worse than that.

just spent some money on clothes
and i was told i dun need any more
true enough, prolly i dun need
but i want
and i guess that is reason enough.

so, in the past few weeks
i needed a camera,
i needed a mp3 player, i m still convincing myself that i need it
i wanted some clothes
i needed a decent watch

some were sponsored with lots of sibling love.
yeah i need that.
needs > wants
well i m not so bad.

smiles again

2008-09-02T08:08:00.000+08:00

what a difference a month makes =3

=3

2008-08-31T00:27:00.003+08:00

hope this lasts longer than my prev player.

looks more like a phone than a mp3 player tho.

=3, impulse buy, but i like it heh.

wanted a h50, but then their manual functions aren't exactly manual

kinda pestered not to get a h50 if i would be intent on getting

a dslr next year.

so settled for this one

on the rebound.

2008-08-29T21:57:00.003+08:00

3 weeks is enough yeah?

spree

2008-08-29T18:40:00.003+08:00

yeah
getting the sony h50 this weekend. gonna have some fun with it in the year or so before i decide if i wanna upgrade.
prolly getting a nano 4gb as well, just bidded for it online.
if theres money left over and there are no violent objections, i will get myself a mountain bike (cheap one of course!), running short of money already.
fitting end for my spree.

i just need it to perk up my semester after a roller-coaster period for the past 3 weeks.

patience.

2008-08-24T22:40:00.005+08:00

too much has happened these few weeks
partly leaving me feeling vindicated
but yet confused and perturbed after that.
seeing movers and shakers amongst the people i know,
and wondering why i m still hanging around here
seemingly stagnating
been A S K-ing so much
and its still not clear

learnt quite a lot today
perhaps i just have to bide my time
patience is the key
i may have to take some hardship during this process
but at the end of the day
its gonna be worth it

yeah
the 3 Ps
belief in my portion,
belief in a purpose,
belief i am the person for it

destiny is not about where you are going
but instead,
what you are becoming.

i catch that.

yawn

2008-08-21T22:30:00.002+08:00

huge convictions that i possess,
just get shot down by the rest.
starting to doubt my own theories,
in this world, do they still make sense?
musing in the still of the night,
am i insane, or is it them?

back to the grind

2008-08-20T20:53:00.004+08:00

listening to rivermaya
feels so much better.

all hail the nanny state

2008-08-19T23:57:00.001+08:00

PM's dating tips =3

'Make time to go out and meet new friends
Join a dating agency, be it the Government's Social Development Unit/Social Development Service or a private agency.
Have realistic expectations. You have to make an effort for the relationship to work.
Bring your social graces up to scratch. For instance, do not wear slippers when taking your date out for a romantic dinner at a nice restaurant.' (straits time 19 aug)

whats up for next yr?
kamasutra tips?

gawd.

read this somewhere

2008-08-17T20:32:00.003+08:00

if michael phelps was a country, he would be 8th in the world rankings

how true

seriously perturbed

2008-08-13T21:16:00.004+08:00

pretty packed day somehow

met up with eileen at the y for lunch.
usual simple conversations
holidays to viet, korea for both of us.
and it always gets deeper than that
not that i dislike it tho
i actually welcome it
thought provoking stuff actually
on secular work, church, religion
and all.
and eileen =3
thanks for the treat.
owe you one some time soon heh.

went past the nel turnstiles
saw sean loke and found out he was meeting henry
asked if i wanna come along,
well i had an hour to kill anyways
so yeah

found out henry had graduated from
wesleyan university
with a degree in physics
and on his way to a masters.
congrats dude!

but what bothered me was.
how can wesleyan university be
erm, so....
unwesleyan?

was told that their uni had christian roots
but its all kinda eroded already
paving the way for a
liberal college
wild parties, brazen practices,
vibrant gay-les community

not that i m terribly against it.
whatever practices, lifestyles,
i may frown, but i would not meddle.
but then in a
wesleyan university?

told henry and sean what
the word wesley meant to me
being a methodist and all.

yeah i m seriously perturbed/disturbed,
whatever you call it.

rants

2008-08-12T15:21:00.008+08:00

one traveller i met in vietnam sums it up the best

when you are a student
you have too much time
too little money
once you start working
you have too much money
too little time

not too sure about line 5 though

if only deans list came with a cash prize
hur hur hur

question

2008-08-09T23:04:00.000+08:00

what is the singapore spirit?

light hearted stuff

2008-08-09T14:49:00.003+08:00

got my sc1101e notes back from shufen today.
its in pristine condition.
same cant be said for the notes that i borrowed from her tho.
haha
and i m borrowing more for this sem.
thankful in having a helpful senior
who happens to major in ec, and does not need those notes anymore.
thus i m gonna pass on the love lol.
i dun sell my books
i just lend them indefinitely

last 2 days before school starts.
still wished i had worked during the hols,
but that would mean being more
tight on time
church camp, reservist, arts camp, vietnam
quite a well spent semester break still

going to ian's place later
then yx's place tml for her 21st
thank goodness theres dinner provided haha
not much money to siphon off already
sux being a poor student

and yes
happy birthday singapore.

religion

2008-08-08T20:41:00.006+08:00

its fun discussing religion.
esp. when there are differing views.
someone whom i was chatting with in a group
kinda ' lambasted' religion, with an angle
of a flawed social construct.
about how power wielded at the very top decides
what people accept to be true.
then went on to deny various ideals of main religions
reincarnation, gospels and all.
kinda sociological
and nostalgic.

pretty nice to hear of.
at least there are people who take religion seriously enough to read on it
might be selective.
but in an apathetic society now
not many people actually bother to read up religions per se
apart from their own.
respect.

then argued that gospels in the bible might not be true.
gnostic gospels seem to be making rounds in the past few years.
that was when i felt the urge to say something regarding that.
fast.

to the best of my knowledge.
i wanted to drive home one point.
as secular and logical and polite as possible
time frame of canonical and gnostic gospels,
where canonical ones were written like a century later.
attention to the finest 'redundant' details in the canons, eg, 'why 153 fish?'
would any author, whose works written couple of decades after the events
dare falsely write,
knowing that there would be loads of people (1st hand) still alive then to verify for such events?
gnostic ones are written in 2nd century, will there be any 1st hand accounts to verify with?
not unless people live to like 150?

cant deny that relgion now is very much a social construct
flawed in some/many parts.
but ultimately religion as how you see it is just a relation between you and god
does it matter?

maybe this argument made others feel a little more convinced
more importantly i did.

ended with a quote i read of
there are those who will believe after they see.
and others who will see after they believe.
i m part of the latter.
acknowledged that usually such discussions will not lead to anything
usually ends open ended,
depending on who sees what
which is defined by their own belief system

then a bimbo (shant mention who) who was quiet all along said something
'in conclusion ...' *pause

we strained to hear

'there is no conclusion .... '

bish.
how do i draw a fist here?

stick out your tongue

2008-08-08T13:57:00.003+08:00

just finished a book of this title.
its written my a chinese author by the name of ma jian.
typically, such authors get their works banned/panned
back in their home country.
amongst the likes of ha jin, yu hua, etc
cant help but feel fascinated by this group of people
who have experienced the cultural revolution first hand.
and their works mark the grittiness and harsh conditions of society.
a society that is unfortunately, all too human and real.
'i'd find a refuge from a soulless society' ma jian mused as he travelled to lhasa
but reality is stark.
could we, by ourselves, make our lives really better?
with such authors mirroring the sentiments of the chinese,
is it the aftermath of the tenet of 'godless communism'?
at the end of the day,
we can only rely on ourselves and the society by this much.
ma jian's 'pilgrimage' made him even more disillusioned and insecure.
...

pardon my religious slant and undertones

no idea why, but i suddenly enjoying reading and writing again.

evaluation

2008-08-06T23:24:00.005+08:00

if you have made a formal agreement.
would you renege on it later on in favour of something better?
which of these do we view as of a higher importance?
that prior agreement or the new one with a higher expectation?
do we value that initial promise tho' it defies logic?
what will be the reasons that define your choice?
to remain, stand the 'so called fabled moral high ground',
and lose out of a better potential?
or is there such a moral high ground in the first place?
or to renege, and seek out greener pastures?
there is no definite right wrong conclusion.
no black or white, only grey.
but in any case,
we make a choice,
and try not to regret it.

is this what i have been waiting for the past 1.5 years to realise?
i m by nature nostalgic and pensive.
if those were the appropriate words to describe my self.
i would kill myself if i was in such a position.
someone up there knows me,
all too well.

thank you god.

sleep

2008-08-05T20:26:00.003+08:00

i fall asleep in my bed within 5 mins.
how do i know?
last week, i have been listening to my playlist in bed.
i can only remember as much as the first song being played.
no memory of anything else whatsoever.

was on the train back home today.
30+ hours of being awake.
not exactly a sedentary 30hrs,
i have been moving quite a fair bit.
on the ride back from novena.
i was holding on to the bars.
fell asleep like 2-3 times.
kept losing my balance and almost fell.

i believe i can sleep pretty much anywhere anytime.
i just need a flat surface.

ask, seek, knock

2008-08-05T20:18:00.002+08:00

why does it seem such a blur to me still? after 1.5 years of pondering and tethering. i am nowhere as close to getting a definite answer. been asking and seeking and doing pretty much all i can to get myself in a such a position now where i know so much but yet do not get the call to take the plunge. is it patience i am learning?

nha trang and hcm (food)

2008-08-02T10:22:00.004+08:00

vietnam is full of exotic foods and tastes. there was this restaurant that we went to with jap, mexican, viet, french cuisine. but really, i have no idea where this dish originated from. its actually beef in bamboo. and i didnt expect it to come on a flaming dish. looks nice, but didnt taste as good tho.

bbq squid. not in the most hygenic of places. not exactly cheap either. but on a lazy day overlooking the beach and with a beer in hand. it was hard to resist.

guess that pretty sums up much of vietnam. good food, nice scenery, cool company. what more could you ask for?

vietnam day 3

2008-07-27T22:18:00.006+08:00

headed back to saigon, back to red sun and got a day room at ground floor (which would prove devastating later) slept all the way til noon since the da lat saigon night bus was not a sleeper bus. went out, z dom and chun got stuff tailored while i just tagged along. didnt plan to get any of those anyways tho the shirt designs look cool.

ming was at the hotel by the time we reached back. quite a lazy day cuz of the bus trip and the rain so we stayed in the room. but the rain got heavier and heavier til. the drainage couldnt take it anymore.

the toilet drainage burst its banks and water(read: sewagey water) started streaming in. a couple of dead cockroaches, wet bags and some screams from us later, the lady boss came over and she was shocked herself. fortunately she made quick work of clearing it up and we were soon off for a short walk along the ankle deep waters outside the hotel.

there was one lady who was ladleing water out of her home in a futile attempt to salvage her furniture from the flood along the street outside our hotel. then, there was one ang moh lady who came by and asked her, can i have a photo?

what insensitivity. she thought that it was something interesting. i thought otherwise. should have told her off there and then.

dinner at bi saigon was alright. ambient and cozy.

next post - nha trang (vietnam day 4-5)

vietnam day 2

2008-07-27T21:55:00.005+08:00

night bus the day before to da lat, a hilly region 1500m above sea level. walked out of the bus, and it was really cold at 5am. most of us were in shorts and berms. spent 30mins at the tour office wondering what we should do and decided on going on to peace cafe ( how communist can such names get?)

with a sense of gung ho and a map on tow. da lat proved surprisingly ok to navigate.

pic: view from peace cafe. the lady boss ushered us in for bfast and intro-ed a slew of day tours. knowing that we were around only during the day, she offered us bag drop and showering facilities at no price =3. so we duly ordered more food.

just some nicer photos to check out. this place is called valley d'amor . something like a botanical gardens for couples to pak tor. gotta pay for entrance tho, but scenery was fantastic. too bad we could only spend 45 mins there. still kicking myself for not buying the grilled sweet potato at the entrance.

this place is called crazy house - a hotel in da lat, consisting a series of thematic rooms modelled after animals, insects etc. really weird, but cool.

hcm city 20th july

2008-07-22T10:52:00.003+08:00

first day in hcm city. i must conclude at the end of it all that it was all a blur. reached hcm early, started with trying to find a night bus to da lat. quite efficient actually. when we were still wondering what to do for the day since our bus trip was at 11 plus. we decided to pop by our hotel where we wil lstay on the 25th and 26th. the lady boss was really great, providing us with maps, information, and list of where to go to.
left our bags at the hotel and we were off in a walking tour. went to ben thanh market, reunification place, notre dame, post office (pay our respects to uncle ho =3). diamond plaza, russian market, army supplies market, back to ben thanh for dinner.
here i am, on the bus writing down this entry on a phone for blogging later in the days and if there is 1 word to describe it - 'overkill'.
last time round was so much more carefree haah
seems district 1 is fully walked already.
sleeper bus = normal tour bus. wonder how i can survive the next 5 hours on it.
no photos yet. pls be patient.

random postings

2008-07-19T18:13:00.002+08:00

watched the dark knight this afternoon at the grand cathay.
seats were really good
'dense' is the word to describe it

never have i seen someone defining a villian so well
albeit a new class of it even
a villian who is such not because of greed, power and all that
but because he is a villian, as simple as that
give that man an oscar

vietnam tomorrow
not sure what to expect
but i cant wait

holiday season

2008-07-19T08:59:00.002+08:00

bro just left for hk this morning. pretty much a spur of the moment thing. prolly he realised that its his last chance for a breather before he begins work in the civil service. maybe hes just sian seeing the rest of the family go off here and there in these few weeks and feels left out if he didnt as well haha.

quite a lot of things to do today. settle my travel insurance, meet up for a movie, daiso to buy last min travel supplies, then to pay for o week and decide if i wanna go pray in church.

it's interesting going on holiday with a bunch of friends that you have been really close to before but have been kinda going on seperate ways for the past few years. ns, overseas education and all. but somehow old bonds are renewed, new links form and it has all culminated in a trip together. kudos to chun and z for planning the trip tho' i actually have gone to viet before but just feel too unbothered to liaise and contact the others.

gotta try maintain this space in the next 8 days. i just need internet cafes with bluetooth access

muses

2008-07-18T10:13:00.002+08:00

Jenny was a poor girl
Living in a rich world
Named her baby
Hope when she was just 14
She was hoping for a better world
For this little girl
But the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree
Well she gets that call
Hope's too far gone
Her baby's on the way
But nothing left inside
Together we cry!

Together we cry... Together we cry...
Theres so much sad gunna flood the ocean
all the tears from a world thats broken
Together we cry... oh.. we cry we cry oh.. we cry

excerpts from 'we cry' by the script, an irish band (cue U2)

new wave of socially conscious songs,
a la runaway love, one of the biggest hits in recent years
all the pomp and paegeantry in one earth, 46664, band aid etc.
feel good factor is there in songs, lyrics, concerts, campaigns.
but,
has anything changed?
if not, can we do anything about it in this lifetime?

eradicate poverty in 2015? seems very far off
but we can pray about it.

nostalgia and emptiness

2008-07-17T20:30:00.004+08:00

feeling bouts of it recently. starting with this.

this is actually my blanket which i have been using since i was like 4 years old. been with me from hk to sg and survived numerous times in the laundry; til sometime 6 months back. the edges started tearing, one frayed end bore another and soon it became hard to even fold properly. i threw it away just a few days back and this was my only pic of it. fortunately my mum bought another one to replace it when she was back in hk last week. but still, things will never be the same again.

to the more serious things.

with my mum in hk and my bro set to be there on sat, and my dad going there 2 weeks later; i have been thinking about my relationship with my relatives in hk. its sad really, being away for the past 16 years, coming back once in a year or two to say hi and knowing so little about what they actually do, i must say that this is one of my biggest regrets coming over to sg. yeah sg is good, but the friends that i make here, the cousins that i have in sg as well, can never replicate that same feeling that i have forgone building up that relationship with my grannies, uncles etc.. its a pity actually, there would be a high likelihood that if i walked on the streets of hk and bumped into melody(thats the name of one of my hk cousins, but i have no idea how she looks, and prob. the same goes for her) i would have no idea i am related to her. in a way i feel that i have missed out on a certain part of an extended family life.

its not a situation a lot of people will find themselves to be in, and even so, its not something that they will feel the way that i do. but i always imagine, if my grannies were to pass away in hk one day and i was to receive that news, what would my emotions be like?

i cant even bear to imagine.

i m not being emo here. theres are huge line seperating emoness and being emotional. but i guess not everyone will understand.

acting sophisticated

2008-07-16T11:37:00.001+08:00

Nature's first green is gold,
Her hardest hue to hold.
Her early leafs a flower,
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.

Robert Frost (1923)

morning musings

2008-07-15T08:06:00.004+08:00

having a phone next to me as i sleep is kinda interesting. been doing that for the past month or so already. with the wifi on i get to check fb and jimmyr, and also once in a while, record my dreams. no matter what people say about them being a valuable recess of what you hold dear, i still regard it as nothing more than a amalgam of the mish mash of the things that i see/hear/do the day before.

namie amuro pd for fass bash?, o school, phoon, bash, fop.
its weird - namie amuro and phoon are siblings? (phoon is my ns-mate and he's learning dance in o school (which i read about yest). last song on my playlist before i slept - marionette, ayumi hamasaki). popped by for fop precamp yest.

i m trying to find links here

sometimes, i wonder if i had really slept. maybe its the radiation.

commencement 2008

2008-07-14T22:47:00.005+08:00

really cool seeing my cousin graduate.
kinda imagining my own graduation in time to come.

commencement 2011 checklist
plan of who/where/how to meet and take photos
smuggle coco under my cloak
photographer (prob beg a junior to do it for me)
vrooming a convertable, throwing my hat into the air, driving round nus and shouting 'ord lo', erm nope i mean 'graduate lo'
and a zany madcap idea of looking stupid and cool at the same time.

as my bro said
you will always be forgiven for anything in commencement.

once again, congrats on your 1st class honours!

sunday muses

2008-07-13T21:01:00.002+08:00

'He can get drunk in a drag race or dancing without ever getting near alcohol. In our neighborhood it's rare to find a kid who doesn't drink once in a while. But Soda never touches a drop--he doesn't need to. He gets drunk on just plain living....'
S.E Hinton -the Outsiders- (1967)
-written in reference to a character in the book-

ultimately, the question is
what really satisfies in such a way that everything else is doesnt matter?

was offered a glimpse of that today.

random summer break activity

2008-07-11T14:55:00.009+08:00

was in school just now to meet sharon for lunch and to get a grad. bear for my cousin whose commencement will be on monday. not typically me to leave it till so late to settle such stuff but i was too lazy for the past few days to travel all the way to school.

the table(where the bear sits on) seems to be rather messy.

fortunately, its not my table. hah

after vietnam, i shall see if my acc. could reach -$17.15 a la the movie wanted, where the guy realised there was this much in his account at the movie's end.

just got a msg from mindef, a generous payout of $112 makes my day. yippie!!! (this actually makes the disastrous(read:broke) state of affairs i m in now even more obvious)

module planning

2008-07-10T14:21:00.003+08:00

its a challenge this sem planning for modules.
the time has come where pre-requisites for modules actually start taking into effect whether i can get all my module mates in the same mod or not. ec2102 is a huge barrier it seems
cant seem to let go of my ec2373 even with numerous potential clashes.
its the psychological barrier of seeing the only lvl 2000 econs mod left

and if i do not take it now. i will not be able to take it in year 3 since i could potentially be away on sep.
hmm, but then i can take it in year 4 as well.

5 more days to settle this, but i want to get it done sooner than later.

heard arts 0-week pre-camp is next mon and tues. cousin's graduatin' on mon and mom's coming back, so i prob give mon a miss tho' i could pop by looking stupid in formal attire. see what transpires over the weekend.

wei2, thanks for ur backpack. wonder how yellow its gonna be. but oh well, i will be it hcm, no one would bother.

dreams

2008-07-09T23:03:00.003+08:00

just remembered 2 dreams from last night
they both sound weird. but i have weird dreams

first dream:
i found 30+ bucks in my old wallet.

second dream:
its really too stupid and unbelieveable to be written down.

then i woke up.
checked my wallet.
no such good news.
damn.

rantings

2008-07-09T17:27:00.002+08:00

its hard to maintain a blog when one is undergoing a 1 month period of absolute sedation.
and even harder when one cant even remember what he/she has done the day before.

i m the one.

now, let me try to remember what i did yesterday.
.
.

damn i cant. (maybe i can refer to my blog)

perhaps i haven't done anything much yesterday, thats why.
maybe i shall talk about what i did today.

.
.

Oh man, what did i do today?

03s13 dinner

2008-07-08T08:41:00.003+08:00

one of the most overdue dinners in a very long time.
10 of us (relatively good number) chatted and had dinner at cartel (dun really like the place but oh well )
we were reminded of
one sentence that will always remain in every one of us

你要反省为什么那只狗要咬你

did some random planning for vietnam with z and chun, yeah haha with z its always very random(read: spontaneous). and we realised that our itinerary didnt plan for any bathing opportunities since we will not have lodging for a couple of days. that is gonna be a little hiccup in our 'special' company of 5. z suggested going to some strangers house to bathe and i almost wanted to bash him lol.

some things just don't change.

new dawns?

2008-07-07T16:03:00.001+08:00

third time that i have been restarting my blog. wondering to myself what went through my mind when i last deleted the old blogs and i cant remember why.
sad. i do not have a particularly good memory. sometimes.
especially when i usually do not think that online blogs/diaries actually serve its purpose like personal written diaries. deleting it seems to much easier.
but oh well.
after 1 month of hibernation (may) and 1 month of running ragged (june),
maybe this month i will continue with my blog.

whether i will just chuck this blog away in one corner in time to come? time will tell.

been catching up with various groups of diff people recently. last night, we had a fass house bbq in east coast, spontaneously started playing charades with another og, told some people its kinda random, but it was really good. i m a strong advocator of good clean fun. (seen from arts camp first night games)

looking forward to an 8 day vietnam trip on the 20th. 8 days are you nuts? gees, i cant explain why too. just that my friend planned it this way. what are you gonna do in ho chi minh for 8 days? i cant answer also. sometimes in life, there is no need to explain/ask/plan too much. too much rationalization and logical explanations. just go. dont question, dont doubt, once you hear the call? just do it. sounds like a sermon message? perhaps

'Dear children, let's not merely say we love each other; let us show the truth by our actions'
1 john 3:18