muses

week 3-4 warsaw

2009-10-07T04:06:00.002+08:00

life has been getting on pretty fine here. moving about with ease, buying wrong things still at times but it will get better as the days go by.
orientation, parties, knowing more people from germany and poland; it seems like half of sabinki is filled with these 2 nationalities.
grilling indoors was a stupid but funny idea but i didnt expect that strongly worded reaction. well no point threatening with a sabinki boot cuz .... nwsh was a damn good place to be in too. wondering about the sgh scholarship and how it will be given, but anything is a bonus.
schools fine, sometimes heavily accented but yeah i can understand mostly whats going on. cant wait for the lang course and more cooking. i hope its a suwalki trip this weekend so i can think of more places as time goes by.

week 1

2009-09-16T00:24:00.002+08:00

wasnt the best of flights, kept battling a mild fever, stuffed nose and diaorrhoea on the way to poland. but it didnt take anything from the sights i was about to experience. rested at the hostel for an hour or two and i was off to the old town just around 3 hours after touchdown. remembered telling myself somehow i could finally see the sky blue without any cloud cover or by any tall buildings - something so simple but awe striking tt i would take little heed back here.
so spent the following few days exploring warsaw on foot, then on metro, buses and trams. language's still a barrier of sorts but guess a smile always helps to break the ice, even if it meant a disguntled cashier handing back 40 zlotys in coins.
been to church even, found out about tt place myself online and i kinda enjoy it, not too traditional, not too contemporary, and even went for some coffee after tt, aka waterloo. and some things just dun change - in a restaurant and ppl still lining up tables so we could share the same table. its just amazing. was telling this guy just one week ago i was worshipping in sg and now it seems so different, but still so much the same as well? and i hope he understood it heh.
must say tt warsaw central is kinda easy to navigate and i can get myself pretty much anywhere alr. so guess krakows next.
psps for the awful structure but just speakin my thought out.
miss ppl back home and i must say i miss rice too.

interning at mot week 1/8

2009-05-19T20:56:00.002+08:00

Today marks the end of my first week in MOT. It wasn't to long ago when lily took me around the office on my first day of work, introducing me to colleagues from different departments who probably identify me as yet another intern and me wondering if i am ever going to bother remembering all their names, to the wondrous view on the 33rd floor of psa building, and to the really low foosball table which has been my only source of entertainment in the office and a dull backache as well.

Over time i have gotten used to the unfamiliarity of the surroundings. Its sad being the only intern and hearing stories of others in mha or mom having bunches of interns together, but in a way i m forced to learn and be resourceful on the job myself; my jobscope is not a multi-player project based kinda thing but i work fairly independently. drafting some internal comms strategy and tasked to see it through the weeks in mot might be a small task compared to the macro-ness of what most others are doing, but i am secretly glad i am not making coffee or shredding paper (lol)

Its one week on and I havent started fb-ing or done casual surfing at work. i am desks and desks away from anyone who seems like a fb user and its not the type of question you would ask anyway, you watch and learn. And i am kinda sitting beside a T junction where people just mill or walk past every other minute, so might as well get that thought off my mind, not that i am getting withdrawl symptoms anyway.

fyi, I wouldnt consider asiaone as casual surfing.

moe suspends AWARE sex education programme

2009-05-07T21:32:00.001+08:00

Whose phyrric victory is it now?
The new guard? Or the 'Old' new guard?
Or both?

2009-02-05T21:13:00.003+08:00

utu lecture. yeah nasa spent millions, billions, but i would rather have them spend on it than financing wars. resolves the cynical side in me. =3
an afternoon chat resolves a fair bit in expectations and all.
never had a meal in anothers' house that tastes so much like home cooked food. has one of it yesterday. just a small gathering among friends, mutual friends and yeah thanks for the invite zhengchuan; still have the greatest respect for you since arts camp last year.
felt a little ackward making that choice not to play mj (simple) or ban lat (a little harder). may and wb were like asking why not play. its quite hard to differentiate principle and faith after a while, and its not that faith makes it impermissible to play. so i just said i didnt feel like. not the best answer or the most politically correct one but i just didnt bother to explain too muxh esp when everyone seems so engrossed.

is it you, god?

2009-01-11T22:44:00.004+08:00

busy busy saturday, during the weekend before school officially opens on monday.
went to gy's place for his birthday lunch, then for a moe networking session,
then to geylang to meet timo and ting ting and a few other army peeps before heading off to changi for aloy's farewell.
seems like i m pr-empting a busy semester ahead so i m doing all these things now.

but above all, god's laying out a platter for me it seems.
was in a cab as i went from yck to serangoon that afternoon.
the usual chats about school, wah u serve ns liao ah...
and then he asked me out of the blue, in all earnestness:
ah boy ah, you mei you xiang guo dang lao shi ah?
(ah boy, you thought of becoming a teacher?)
.....

i was shocked
speechless for a couple of seconds.
i must say i was a little freaked out.
those who know me well enough know that i have been tethering around,
to apply or not? since time eternal
a bit too timely isn't it?

i was thinking
seriously,
where did this guy come from?
in any case, its something i wont forget so easily.

reunions and gatherings

2008-12-31T12:12:00.000+08:00

decembers are often the time for catch-ups and gatherings
not that everyone is really so busy to do so during term time
but its the the year where nobody has an excuse not to meet up actually
so it was actually a surprise b'day celebration coupled with an reunion of sorts.

we chatted
gossiped like there was no tomorrow.
about current times
about old times
the stupid events
the scandals

it must have been the umphteenth time we have heard of one another talking about it
but we never get tired of it
every time round, we catch one or two new stories
'collective memories and imagined communities'
how true.

was it a birthday celebration under the pretext of a reunion?
or the other way round?
maybe at the end of the day,
it doesn't matter.
in the most secular sense,
you give a good account of yourself,
then eat, drink and be merry.
and hope that satisfies.
i think it did for that night.

a restful december finally.

2008-12-25T22:53:00.003+08:00

have not been blogging at all since early this month when my exams ended on the 5th. but life has been so so busy since then.

i was tasked to assist in the old queens street team in a way i would never imagined myself to be: a but part in the musical. say a few lines and dance? oh dear, when in school i am already so against myself taking anything ts (theatre studies), that is the last thing i would expect myself to be doing. i didnt exactly know what was on my mind when i agreed as anais called, maybe i was too stressed out with my labour econs paper. first practice was on the 5th, and for once after an examination, i didnt splurge or 'enjoy' myself like the way i did before.

more practices and domestic(dog) chores took its toll as my parents went back to hk for their regular dose of erm, whatever you call it.. and so bangkok was kinda a relief. holidaying without having to worry about transport woes i must say is a real blessing. chanun's family was great and the company too. at least i knew i was in safe hands if i landed up drunk. (which i didnt, obviously)

back in sg on the 15th wee morning, and that night i had my first serious rehearsal. there would usually be 2 runs per night so we could get in character quickly. kudos to those who came in after work, cus even for me, it was kinda tiring. reaching home at 12 and having to work the next day is no joke.

ccis -
i believe it epitomized the yc call to be called to transformed to transform.
not gonna put anymore details into it.
thanks to those who came down to watch and i hope you were blessed by the message.

life is back to the after exams feeling. friends leaving for sep in the next few days, together with some church members flyingoff/coming back so i foresee some trips to changi. but then sometime this week, i believe i can finally afford to chill by a joint in a lazy afternoon, book in hand, and while the time away.

2008-12-07T00:17:00.002+08:00

my god... when am i gonna really really wind down and chill?

yr 2 sem 1 ended yesterday at 4:30.
i could have made it end earlier
if not of my neurotic fears of
the examiner forgetting to collect my script.

looking back, it has gonna be one of the hardest semesters i have ever been through. once again i must reiterate, doing 4 mods without one of your closest modular buddies to listen in with, copying notes with. yeah there are always other buddies, but then, it just feels different. =3

seems like the hectic schedule of work has not ended for me yet. went airport to see my parents off, then to expo to grab some books from the borders sale, then to yia's place for the regular lan session, then to church for the pract.

hope that thurs works out fine.
then i can get a time to chill
get drunk in a safe environment
and just basically veg til sunday

if i can make it back in the first place/

and then the grind continues til christmas...

i just need some time off
with an engaging read
at a secluded coffee joint
alone
perhaps for one afternoon

perspectives

2008-11-17T22:52:00.003+08:00

was watching this channel 8 program just now.
it was so gut wrenching that i have no idea how to describe it best.
this 9 year old schoolgirl
taking care of her ill mother
doing all the chores at home
not excluding her school commitments
burdens that children her age, or even mine would have
difficulty undertaking, or even comprehending.
dad's taking on menial jobs
bringing home little as depicted in the show.
the host and some volunteers came in to do up her home,
in attempt probably to make her life a little better
and to bring in some festive cheer.
if there was someone who needed this fleeting moment of happiness
it would be her.
her grind seems to have no end
as the filming halts and the crew leaves
her life will be the same as before
toiling, working ....

i think about myself
i dont whine about exams much,
but i still do
i rationalize for a need of an oversea breather
coming an average of once per semester
an account that i deserve a break after
all that hard work
i muse about getting disillusioned about
schoollife, career choices, satisfaction
when there are others
who essentially have no choice but
to take on roles so taxing for them.
just to survive
and have to time to even muse about it.

hard work?
deserve?
exams?

sometimes i always get jolted to see things in perspective
being the dreamy person i m
who allows words and thoughts to get into my way
and decides for myself how i want to lead the day.

i will for that girl to make it
i suppose all those who watched the show do.

2008-11-15T11:08:00.004+08:00

its hard to read ecclesiastes without feeling the slightest hint of a suicidal tendency in solomon's mind.

ez woes

2008-11-04T21:53:00.002+08:00

lost my ez link card today.
think its the 3rd time while studying in nus.
seems that i tend to lose such stuff more easily nowadays
year 1 sem 1, lost it in a cab
year 1 sem 2, cant remember how i lost it
year 2 sem 1, lost it either in the lib, deck or in between
sad thing is, i just topped it up and paid for concessions this morning.
oh well. stuff does happen.

dreamland.

2008-11-03T20:50:00.003+08:00

it seems that most times, i never can get 100% sleep/rest.
especially these few days when the gravity of the finals start kicking in
take money and banking for example.
one full day of comprehension
2 chapters done
out of 25.
its crazy, i know it. but by hook or by crook it has to be done
and when i proudly profess 7hrs sleep (after some last minute fb and soccernet on my phone - 6hrs 45 mins)
there comes to a point when probably it cant work out anymore.

i m a dreamer, literally.
and in those dreams, it seems to me that i am coping so well
i seem to reason my sc proj pretty well in my dreams.
ditto for money and banking.
i even dreamt on sat night that i found my watch i misplaced in church last thurs.
yeah it was still there on sun morn.
real good dreams

school seems so much tougher when i am awake tho.
kena stressed out this afternoon over some tabulations.
and jw commented that it was the first time i complained that i was stressed
well, i keep my emotions in check very well.
walking along that corridor towards the bunch of ppl checking their ec3102 grades
my heart beat a lot quicker.
i did fine. good by most standards.

sometimes you know that what you get is not deserved.
and its only through grace that you receive it.
would you continue living in that grace?
or would you work your ass off instead?

anyways.
i need 2 major decisions made by the end of this year.
positive or negative.
it doesnt matter.
i just gotta do something.
to tell myself thats what i am working for now
makes it all worthwhile.
i realise thats why i have been feeling so jaded this sem

sometimes i wonder if i could live in my dreams.
pardon my randomness for tonight

random thoughts

2008-11-02T21:47:00.002+08:00

yeah i was disillusioned for a while.
then it hit.
why are you so affected by the decisions of others.
til it affects your personal life philosophy?

watched a movie recently.
here's part of the dialogue.

a: rome is burning son! the problem is not with the people who started it (already long dead), but its with us. who do nothing, and try to manouvere around the edge of the flame. and i tell you something, there are millions of people around the world today who try and make things better.
b: so you think its better to try and fail than failing to try right?
a: yeah
b: but whats the difference if you end up in the same place?
a: at least you did something.

some parts during the movie just got me wondering. how important must a cause be before you will yourself to take action?

sermon sounded more like an inspirational speech today, maybe because it kinda replayed those sentiments in my head. it ended by this quote, which i feel terribly incisive.

Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorius triumphs, even though checkered by failure... than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat.
Theodore Roosevelt

what causes are important? perhaps in god's eyes, everything is.
what happens if i try and fail?
or tried and have no idea on what the outcome will be?

random stuff

2008-11-01T22:41:00.004+08:00

been dreaming for the past few nights.
but almost all of it have gotta do with work.
not nightmares though,
but seems its quite hard for me to escape from
all the work at the moment.
sc term paper, and i really wanna do well for m&b
even tho the lecturer sucks real time.

oh ya, btw
yeah i turn red really easily.
but i also recover fast.

lol sat night
feeling really bored at home
my bro is checking his office mail
every 15 mins
here i am checking facebook
every 10

.

2008-10-28T19:53:00.001+08:00

blogging while seated on the throne, stifling a fart along the way. Right knee is aching real bad, must be all the stretching and overexertions of yesterday. Had kopi break with the sjab
kakis and when that happens, we tend to mire ourselves in the past. Think past few days have all been about recapturing memories, not that i have lost them in the first place, just that theres nothing much memorable now . Heh

exercise!

2008-10-27T20:00:00.002+08:00

went to pub recre club for sports with the church peeps today. kinda realised i havn done much exercise in a while. badminton was pretty nice, played like around 3 games in all. seems like all of us are feeling our age, when a game is tied at 1 set apiece, its like an unspoken rule to declare it a draw since we were already so ...
tired.
did some lazy sparring with dan and he kept hitting it to the backhand far corner which i loathe. then i decided to switch it to my left hand and make it a forehand. surprisingly it worked (tyco). but then pui was right behind and made a big hoo ha abt it. lol.
wondering if i should be in bkk with the sji peeps this year end. wanna go somewhere but at first i was thinking of going alone. guess how everything transpires this week i guess.
its weird when people regard me a a soci reference guide when i m not even a soci major. heh, i just happened to do pretty fine in it. if i could be accorded that same level of esteem in econs, i would be happier.

grr

2008-10-26T23:55:00.003+08:00

chatted with a friend in church today
was asked,
'is your brother younger than you?'
taffy wept.

lol.
kinda exaggerated
but then.
my bro is 27!!!!!
and i m only 22!!!!

yeah maybe he looks 22,
but if he looks 22
i gotta look 18 lor!!!!

little pissed

2008-10-26T20:39:00.005+08:00

met up with zonglun for dinner on sat. ended up watching max payne first. couple sitting beside me with 3 kids on tow. youngest one of walking age but still biting a pacifier. the kids seemed to enjoy popcorn, nachos w/ cheese as they waited for the movie to start. but as it progressed, it was clear that they were becoming restless.
"why are there so many shadows of monsters" one of the kids was asking his mum in chinese
"oh, it just a hallucination"
after a while, the mum gave up explaining and asked the kid to keep quiet.
if kids could stay quiet for that long. i would get a cap 5.
then the unthinkable happened.
the dad's (sitting beside me) phone rang.
sheepish reaction from him, spoke for a few seconds then hung up.
and it happened the second time.
i glared at him
he shuffled out to the aisle, and never came back.
since the cinema was only like 30 people packed.
suppose he found another place to sit.

2 main things
why take kids to watch max payne? and
why cant one have the basic decency to switch his phone to silent mode?

go watch high school musical instead.

anyways
when mark wahlberg drank the thing,
and the scenes after that.
i thought of 2 things
gatorade and tongkat ali ads.

born into brothels

2008-10-25T17:32:00.003+08:00

the issue with moral ethics and consequentialism
how bad must a something get before it sparks you into action?
or would you stay put no matter how rotten it is?
our view of something rotten
is it congruent with those who are already mired in filth?
helping one is good
helping one but not helping the others
creates real imbalance

watched the born into brothels documentary.
showing one womans attempt to 'right' her version of wrong
but there is no black/white answer on whats right
in the first place
would i do the same?
working on simple straightforward faith.
or would i stand on the side
haunted by what i see?

out of it.

2008-10-23T21:38:00.003+08:00

handed in my script after 50 mins in a 1hr 30min labour ec mtt paper.
rationale was simple, conceptual paper, no point hanging on too much.
overconfidence or foolhardiness? time will tell.
theres such a fine line seperating the two.
decided just by the points one gets.
not a very fair way of determining it.

random thoughts

2008-10-21T23:54:00.003+08:00

felt good admitting that one isn't the same without having the same ol' company. makes a huge lot of a difference, but then in life where change is the only constant; at the end of the day, we just move on and remember those times. =p

people always seem so busy once they are attached. 2nd week in a row trying to get my budd out for dinner over the weekend but i guess thats understandable. zl is free thou' wondering if i should bother asking more out. with tc boy reminding me that i can get high stirring lech, those 39 days comes back again. crazy, rag tag, u name it. seems that its high time we meet up once again, starting with zl.

theres always a flurry of activity in church, chillout on fri, sentosa on sat, service on sun, badminton and tennis on monday. soci term assignments and interviews to settle. taff, u gotta compromise. guess i m gonna take sat a pass; and most importantly feel good about it.

singapore seen

2008-10-17T11:38:00.002+08:00

seen at a supermarket in dempsey.

random thoughts 2

2008-10-15T15:47:00.003+08:00

something which happened more than 15 years ago was suddenly jolted into memory.
those were the times when a school bus seats 3 to a column, so it was a tight squeeze. i was only primary 1 or 2 then, and sometimes i sit next to this older guy called patrick. could still remember that he used to have the big brother mentality, and was terribly nice to me.
there was once when one of us carried a bit more stuff to school, so it was gonna be a real real real tight squeeze if a third person came along. he asked me to sit closer, then poured water at the edge of the seat, forcing any other kid who came along to avoid it and choose somewhere else. so in the end, we had a wee bit more room to spare. weird logic then, but maybe it worked.
nice (to me) guy or a terrible bas***d? i have no idea, til today.

2008-10-14T15:24:00.002+08:00

the constant sweeping endorsement of obama for president spooks me a little.
as much as i am agreeable to him winning,
it could just set the tone for a greater upset on the cards.
remember how hady mirza won asian idol?
bad comparison but still, you get the idea.