perspectives

was watching this channel 8 program just now.
it was so gut wrenching that i have no idea how to describe it best.
this 9 year old schoolgirl
taking care of her ill mother
doing all the chores at home
not excluding her school commitments
burdens that children her age, or even mine would have
difficulty undertaking, or even comprehending.
dad's taking on menial jobs
bringing home little as depicted in the show.
the host and some volunteers came in to do up her home,
in attempt probably to make her life a little better
and to bring in some festive cheer.
if there was someone who needed this fleeting moment of happiness
it would be her.
her grind seems to have no end
as the filming halts and the crew leaves
her life will be the same as before
toiling, working ....

i think about myself
i dont whine about exams much,
but i still do
i rationalize for a need of an oversea breather
coming an average of once per semester
an account that i deserve a break after
all that hard work
i muse about getting disillusioned about
schoollife, career choices, satisfaction
when there are others
who essentially have no choice but
to take on roles so taxing for them.
just to survive
and have to time to even muse about it.


hard work?
deserve?
exams?

sometimes i always get jolted to see things in perspective
being the dreamy person i m
who allows words and thoughts to get into my way
and decides for myself how i want to lead the day.

i will for that girl to make it
i suppose all those who watched the show do.

its hard to read ecclesiastes without feeling the slightest hint of a suicidal tendency in solomon's mind.

ez woes

lost my ez link card today.
think its the 3rd time while studying in nus.
seems that i tend to lose such stuff more easily nowadays
year 1 sem 1, lost it in a cab
year 1 sem 2, cant remember how i lost it
year 2 sem 1, lost it either in the lib, deck or in between
sad thing is, i just topped it up and paid for concessions this morning.
oh well. stuff does happen.

dreamland.

it seems that most times, i never can get 100% sleep/rest.
especially these few days when the gravity of the finals start kicking in
take money and banking for example.
one full day of comprehension
2 chapters done
out of 25.
its crazy, i know it. but by hook or by crook it has to be done
and when i proudly profess 7hrs sleep (after some last minute fb and soccernet on my phone - 6hrs 45 mins)
there comes to a point when probably it cant work out anymore.

i m a dreamer, literally.
and in those dreams, it seems to me that i am coping so well
i seem to reason my sc proj pretty well in my dreams.
ditto for money and banking.
i even dreamt on sat night that i found my watch i misplaced in church last thurs.
yeah it was still there on sun morn.
real good dreams

school seems so much tougher when i am awake tho.
kena stressed out this afternoon over some tabulations.
and jw commented that it was the first time i complained that i was stressed
well, i keep my emotions in check very well.
walking along that corridor towards the bunch of ppl checking their ec3102 grades
my heart beat a lot quicker.
i did fine. good by most standards.

sometimes you know that what you get is not deserved.
and its only through grace that you receive it.
would you continue living in that grace?
or would you work your ass off instead?

anyways.
i need 2 major decisions made by the end of this year.
positive or negative.
it doesnt matter.
i just gotta do something.
to tell myself thats what i am working for now
makes it all worthwhile.
i realise thats why i have been feeling so jaded this sem

sometimes i wonder if i could live in my dreams.
pardon my randomness for tonight

random thoughts

yeah i was disillusioned for a while.
then it hit.
why are you so affected by the decisions of others.
til it affects your personal life philosophy?

watched a movie recently.
here's part of the dialogue.

a: rome is burning son! the problem is not with the people who started it (already long dead), but its with us. who do nothing, and try to manouvere around the edge of the flame. and i tell you something, there are millions of people around the world today who try and make things better.
b: so you think its better to try and fail than failing to try right?
a: yeah
b: but whats the difference if you end up in the same place?
a: at least you did something.

some parts during the movie just got me wondering. how important must a cause be before you will yourself to take action?

sermon sounded more like an inspirational speech today, maybe because it kinda replayed those sentiments in my head. it ended by this quote, which i feel terribly incisive.

Far better is it to dare mighty things, to win glorius triumphs, even though checkered by failure... than to rank with those poor spirits who neither enjoy nor suffer much, because they live in a gray twilight that knows not victory nor defeat.
Theodore Roosevelt

what causes are important? perhaps in god's eyes, everything is.
what happens if i try and fail?
or tried and have no idea on what the outcome will be?

random stuff

been dreaming for the past few nights.
but almost all of it have gotta do with work.
not nightmares though,
but seems its quite hard for me to escape from
all the work at the moment.
sc term paper, and i really wanna do well for m&b
even tho the lecturer sucks real time.

oh ya, btw
yeah i turn red really easily.
but i also recover fast.

lol sat night
feeling really bored at home
my bro is checking his office mail
every 15 mins
here i am checking facebook
every 10