cost-benefit analysis. my way

do i just work hard when it really matters?
one question that i have been asking myself today.
does having good work ethics mean striving for the best
even if there are not much/no benefits gained from it?
so much for cost-benefit analysis.

felt that i had written the worst term paper in the 3 semesters i have been in nus
by equating the effort spent in brainstorming, looking for sources etc.
but somehow its the best result i have ever gotten.
tutor's leinient, but lets push that aside.

still remember this time last year when i took a 1.5hr bus ride from school to tampines
just so to find a book to photocopy
for a hy1101e essay
and then off to changi v to look at trannies plying their trade
for a se1101e project
at 12mn
not that i am damn proud of how hard i worked
but glad that i valued my first nus essay/assignment high enough to do such things
that i would deem excessive today.
have i lost some of that freshie fire?
i suppose i have.
growing to be a little more cynical and devious in the way i do things.
taking the easy way out here and there.
but gaining less satisfaction everytime i do so.

i would toss my hy1101e essay around even tho it was just an ok/decent grade.
knowing that it was 1 whole weekend + 2-3 weekdays worth of PURE effort.
i was so glad when my hy tutor commented that my links were really good
even if it was a b+
it didnt matter
kinda feel my current work seems just so bland and sterile.
not much effort put into it
didnt feel much when i saw that a

once again, so much for cost-benefit analysis.
interesting paradox, really

guess at the end of the day
we realise that
highest satisfaction
does not come from minimum cost, maximum benefit.
or rather

maximum cost, maximum benefit.
when you feel you thoroughly deserve what you are getting.
sadly, in this time and age, no one bothers about the toil beneath
the finished article.

could i live on this maxim, at least for this semester?
time will tell
i guess not
but i could try.
starting from my macroecons tutorial
bothering to do it even tho it does not matter.